Halloween is here, ugly!!!

(name),

Halloween is here! And, before you go out trick or treating in the neighborhood with that ridiculous pumpkin mask, I need to ask you a quick question: how long has it been since you’ve changed your skin, huh, you evil snake? I think it's been about seven years, has it not? So I think it's time you renewed your wardrobe...
When I think of how ugly you are, I feel for you even more. I sometimes think you forgot to take out the Halloween costume you wore last year, but then I remember that when your mother is as ugly as a witch, and your father is as disgusting as a vampire, I start to look at you with less terror and more naturally...
You know, having a friend like you is very good because early on we lose the fear of going to a funeral, a cemetery or watch thrillers and horror movies.
You are so horrible!
But anyway, despite your ugliness, I love you, and wish you a fun Halloween.

See you,
(signature)